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She dialed into the meeting as a participant, not the leader. But before anyone else could say a word, she inserted herself. "Here's what I think we need to improve. Here's where the problems are. Here's what you're missing."

Buzzkill.

To be fair, this was a talented and sharp senior HR leader. Good business instincts. Good eye for talent. Often right about people and many other things.

But she said everything. Out loud. Every opinion. Every correction. Her voice was always the fastest and the loudest. It was like she couldn't help herself. I can't recall a single interaction where she was quiet.

I believe that she believed she was adding value. I know she meant well, but she had zero self-awareness.

While she saw herself and her role as value-add, her peers saw someone totally different. A know-it-all. Pushy. Misinformed. Difficult. I tried to coach her, but she just couldn't see it. Didn't want to hear it. In fact, she said more than once something like, "Being this way is how I got to where I am."

Soon, she found herself isolated. People tried to work around her instead of with her. As you can imagine, that made things worse. Then the complaints escalated and got more visible to leadership. Yet despite more coaching, she just couldn't see it.

Almost 10 years of tenure. Many successes. But soon found herself marginalized. Ultimately, her "add value" approach caused her departure. I'm always disheartened in situations like this, because all she had to do was listen. There weren't many winners in the outcome.

Marshall Goldsmith studied this professionally. His book "What Got You Here Won't Get You There" is built on one core claim: the behaviors that accelerated your rise stop working the moment you have authority over others.

Think about it. Your decisiveness. Your expertise. Your need to be right. All of it worked. "I'm successful because I'm aggressive (or loud, or demanding, or a workaholic, or...)." Until suddenly it didn't. What used to sound like confidence became arrogance. Attention to detail became nitpicky, micromanaging. Leadership became overbearing control.

This lack of awareness can be why your best people resign, especially when you inherit a team vs. building it yourself. Talented candidates see through it. They watch your behavior in interviews. It's not hard to see you need to be in control, the smartest person in the room.

Unfortunately, it's often a set-up. A trap. Move it to management? Heck yes! I've arrived!

But then this stuff starts happening, and nobody tells you until it's too late. And then when they do, it feels like a slight or an attack. So you defend. You justify. You explain. You try to prove them wrong.

You fail to evolve into who you need to be at the next level.

If you're ready for some tough love, go find someone who isn't afraid of you. Who owes you nothing. Someone brave enough to give you the gift of feedback.

Unfortunately, most leaders ignore what they hear. It's so much easier to convince yourself that someone else is wrong than to change yourself. It's easier than admitting you could be the reason why your best person left, or that great candidate said, "no."

But you could do something else. You could sit with the feedback. Write it down. Name it. Become more aware of it. Catch yourself doing it. And soon stop doing it altogether.

She needed to add her voice to everything. She could have asked questions, or talked to people in private, or coached. Instead, it was more like an unthinking reflex. A need to prove how smart she was.

It's very hard to change yourself. I should know. I have experience in all of this. But when you know how you're being perceived and do something about it, the reward is real: your influence widens. People start paying attention. Your team stops tiptoeing around you. You work through conflict. People stay, and candidates say, "yes."

What behavior got you promoted? The aggression? The perfectionism? The need to solve everything first? The certainty that you know what to do?

Are those behaviors still serving you as much as you think they are?

Have the courage to ask, and if you're so inclined, I'd love to hear how that goes. Just reply to this email.

Go get 'em! 🚀

—Brenden
#GSD

Agree or disagree? Hit reply with your take. I read every one, and the sharpest ones become next week's issue.

You already thought of someone. Either a leader whose greatest strength is quietly costing them their team, or a good person nobody has told. One person is the whole ask.

Posting on LinkedIn instead? Steal this line: The behavior that got you promoted is the same one your team is working around.

Chief Product Engineer
JumpLights | Germantown, MD | Base, bonus, equity

Know someone? Hit reply with a name.